Fumble the Ball

 

My kids became entrepreneurs yesterday. 

But it all started a couple of weeks ago when our kids' school announced they were still going to host their annual Children's Business Fair, with some safety measures in place. The interested children would need to pitch an idea, come up with a business plan, find an investor, create their product to sell, and finally bring their idea/products/service to the community on the day of the fair. 

Two of my children decided to participate, and it was fun to watch their excitement grow as the day grew closer. In my mind, I knew they would learn the most if I did as little as possible to help. However, this is always harder than it seems to be, at least for me. In the past, I've been a rather involved helper. You know, the one where you assist so that your child will succeed. I told myself I'm modeling, or leaning in, or that we are "having fun together" on their assignment. But allow me to get real for just a minute. If I'm honest part of me wanted my child's creation, in some way, to be the best. To win. To be admired. 

So I helped. It sounds so nice when you use that word, right? 

Over the past few years, however, I've been trying a new parenting strategy to help them learn how to succeed and become, well, a good human. I can't say that I've arrived by any means, but I think I'm getting a little better. The stragegy really all comes down to this: 

Step back and let your child fumble the ball. 

I know, it sounds counterintuitive, painful even, and I'm not even much of a sports fan. It was just the analogy that came to mind. I've witnessed, however, what happens when you don't direct your child, remind them of something, or try to step in and do the things that you think they should be doing. 

The hardest part, from my perspective, is letting them show up and own the responsibility on the days that it truly matters, or the ones that you think matter. These days might actually be the most important to step back because of the potential for learning that can occur when your darling child will either prove to themselves they can be successful, or figure out why they are not. 

The Acton school my kids attend has actually helped me better understand this philosophy, operating under the core belief that children are far more capable than we can imagine. We, as parents, just have to learn that allowing our children to make mistakes - even fail- is one of the best things we can do for them.

Even though I know this is true, I still want them to do things like remember to grab their lunch or wear a coat when it's cold, or you know, things like brush their teeth (Okay, I'm guilty there- still can't handle a certain child's morning breath). But I've been practicing more over the past couple of years. I've let them forget all the things and they haven't died. I've tried to not give them all my ideas when I have them, or tell them all the amazing solutions I have to their problems. But I can honestly say that after this weekend, I saw hardcore evidence that letting go is not just for Queen Elsa. 

On Friday night, I walked into my daughter's room to see how things were coming along after practicing all afternoon. I was pleased to find out (but maybe not completely surprised) that she had already practiced (along with her business partner) how she was going to display her products, had packed up everything they supposedly needed for the event, and were showered and ready to get to bed early.   

The next day was the icing on the cake (or cookie in our case) as I watched my nine-year-old proudly arrange his oddly-shaped Christmas tree sugar creations. 

Did they remember everything the morning of? No. 

Did they win the prize for the best business? No. 

Did they show up and start something amazing, even if imperfectly? Yes. 

Did they learn what they might do differently the next time? One hundred percent. 

I write all of this not to brag on my kids (well, maybe a little), but to share what I have been learning, and something I wished I'd better understood from the start of my parenting journey. 

But then again, maybe I've learned from my mistakes, too.