Raise the White Flag

For the past two weeks, I've been working on an article about my response to the events that have happened in our country over the past month. I've put words to my thoughts about everything from the Capitol uprising to the inauguration to racial injustice, and how we, as parents, should be responding in the midst of it all. I was writing a parenting manifesto, of sorts, with all the passion God gave me for these matters.  

One day...I hope to be able to share it with a humble heart. Ahem. 

Ironically(or maybe not so ironically), during this so-called manifesto-writing time, I had some really challenging days of parenting and quickly realized that God had something else in mind for me to learn and share in this space before I could rally the troops, so to speak. 

It all started when I had reached the breaking point with some laziness I saw in one of my children. Laziness drives me crazy and I'm confessing here and now that it's one of the hardest things for me to accept. All to say, I overreacted to the aforementioned child over something trivial but seemingly significant. In my mind, I had just cause to be angry. But instead of pausing to respond,  I said (shouted) some things I regret. I had one of those out-of-body moments where you don't even realize what you are doing until you look around and survey the damage. Ugh. 

I know some might say that this is just part of raising children and "to give myself some grace." After all, these situations are bound to happen. And while I know this to be true from a headspace, I also don't want to tell myself a narrative that excuses my behavior. But no matter how logical or illogical the situation, my reaction wasn't coming from my mind, but from my heart. 

So, I did what I do when I need to process and understand something: I write it all down in my journal. (Do you journal? No? It's really wonderful, cheap therapy.)  

And here's what it came down to: 

I realized that in the midst of my striving to guide my children, I was not parenting from a place of surrender. I had not surrendered to what God desires to do in my children. 

Surrender. 

If you are like me, that word is hard to read, much less do. It might make you uneasy or nervous, and I get it. No one wants to surrender things that they want to see turn out a certain way, especially when it comes to our children. I often find myself thinking, "if I just apply this process or strategy, then I will get the results I want to see in my child."  All I have to do is apply the formulas I learned in my Logic 101 class, and all will be well. 

If you are also like me, you might be more of the fighting type, the kind of person that believes that you can keep pushing for what you want to see while telling yourself it's the best way forward. You may fall in the category we all like to call "well-intended". 

But here's the thing that's so damn hard: we are not in control- no matter what logic we use or how well-intended we may be. We are not in control of our life, our children, or our circumstances. Additionally, we all have a limit that we reach where we can't pull any more parenting tools out of the tool belt. 

It's pretty exhausting trying to make it all work out anyway, right?

I'm learning, though, that this is the place God sometimes brings us to when we need to surrender. This is the place where we can release what we are desperately trying to hold onto or control. 

Surrender is the place of holy tension where we step back and let God move in. 

Surrender is really the thing that should probably come before we go about our interactions with our darling children, but I tend to get it in reverse order. I get distracted and stubborn and forgetful. Thankfully, God in His mercy brings me back to these hard places to help me refocus and remember that He is Soveriegn and He is Good and I can trust Him. 

But how do we do this? 

How do we parent from a place of surrender? 

I'm still discovering what this looks like, day in and day out, but one thing that has been helping lately is a simple breath prayer. 

(Breathe)

Have your way, Lord. 

(Breathe) 

Your will be done. 

(Breathe)

I surrender. 

Practically speaking, the time that has been working well is right after I drop my kids off for school. I drive home, park my van in the driveway, turn off the radio, and just sit in the stillness before I get out and start my day. Of course, it could be used anytime and every time you need to pause and acknowledge who ultimately has the whole world in His hands. 

We weren't equipped to parent our children on our own. No matter how autonomous or how equipped we think we are to raise children, we need to surrender to our Heavenly Father and allow Him room to mold and shape us as He sees fit. Thank God we can raise the white flag, knowing that someone stronger, wiser, and more loving will fight our battles.